The need to create dominates a person’s life, sometimes all encompassing or at others its hit and miss. What I have discovered over the years of sporadic depressive states and semi normal creative ones is that it is all part of the process of creation.

One day you want to lay in bed while the yarn surrounding you taunts you. At other times you paw through your stash and drool over the pattern books, looking for that one that will call to your need.

There has always been something that I have never understood. Maybe you can help. Why do I have moments, or months, where I have no interest in knitting? While people do take breaks from their varying projects for health reasons, family, vacations etc. I get into these, almost trances, where I am incapable of knitting. It really does make me more depressed. While I know that I want to knit, I am incapable of doing so. It is a vicious cycle.

Then one day, it starts over a week or so, I start to look at the yarn or the project on the needle and actually want to start again. I have the inevitable doubles and starts and fits that go with starting a new project, but it starts.

I have to say that even the work in progress that I have been working on is not perfect. That bothers me some and I know that I have made mistakes on it. I try not to dwell on those because it has to be blocked first. Just because it does not look quite like the picture right now does not mean it will not in the end. I tell myself, “self, even if it does not come out exactly like the picture, I will love it nonetheless.”

So, I continue on. Sometimes knitting daily and sometimes not for weeks to months. I look at those knitters and crocheters who churn out baby things and tons of amigurumi and I sigh. What a failure I am. I know I’m stupid to think so. Just because I do not knit so prolifically does not mean I am a failure. I am me, and that is good enough.